OH. MY. GOD. YOU. GUYS.
Packing is so awful! I walk into our living room and just marvel at how we were able to get so much stuff to “fit” (I use the word loosely here, because we had stuff shoved in every crevice) in our teeny, tiny apartment. It’s absurd how much stuff we had hidden away in little nooks and crannies. My roommate and I were discovering all kinds of stuff–an adorable set of juice glasses I’d completely forgotten I had, knives we’d never used (which will be displaced by the set of knives my mom sent me a while ago that are currently living at work, which I realize makes me look like a serial killer, but whatevs), a pizza cutter…the list goes on and on.
The problem with our old place (this is the part where I talk about living in New York, which I feel like is only of interest to people who live in New York, so you can skip this if you don’t care) is that it had about zero amounts of storage. That doesn’t really seem to make any sense because I’m telling you we totally forgot about things we had, but it’s because everything was shoved into the few small cabinets we had, and we never had any cooking space (most of this discovery happened in the kitchen), so we had no desire to cook, hence the not using anything we had (I swear to God, I have pots and pans I used to use in Chicago that I absolutely have not used since I moved to New York, because my roommate and I have just used one frying pan and one sauce pan to cook our food for two years), because there wasn’t any room to do anything with it.
This is all about to change. Our new apartment has an actual kitchen–small, but actual. It has cabinets for our things and some more counter space and is going to be a joy to spend time in. We keep marveling over this. We’re like, “We’re going to have dinner parties!” every five seconds. But I know my roommate and I, and we need to plan that stuff immediately upon moving in, or it won’t happen. We’re quite inert when we’re settled.
But anyway. What is it about packing that makes your belongings start multiplying like the loaves and fishes? Every time I think I’m done packing, I see something else I need to pack. It’s ridiculous. I’m so tired. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in a week because my room is a shambles (also, after several weeks of not having heat and freezing at night, it’s a frickin’ sauna in here).
I can’t wait for all of this to be over and to be in our new place. I know I’ll shed some tears over leaving our own place–not because I love it (I do NOT), but because we spent two years there. Eesha and I are, in so many ways, totally different people than we were when we moved in. We’ve both gone through some heartbreak, and my life has completely changed because of AUT, and we’re very good friends now, whereas when we moved in to the apartment we barely knew each other. We’ll never be those girls again. We’ll never move to New York for the first time again. It’s the end of an era.
But because my default is to always believe that my life will be the same forever as it is at the moment (obviously a fallacy, but it’s just my mental default), I’m always looking backwards, not forwards, and I forget that the end of an era is always the beginning of a new era. Last night when I called him for Thanksgiving, I gave my dad this whole speech about how this upcoming year is going to be my year. This is the year things are going to go well for me, I just know it. I’m not usually the type of person to make grandiose pronouncements like that, but I’ve been tired and stressed out for a long time now, I’ve worked very hard for a long time without a break, and I’m ready to create some positive change. I’m looking forward to 2010. Not just because of AUT, although of course because of AUT, but also because I’m excited about the possibilities of the unknown.
I know how lucky I am. I have managed to make a real, honest to God life for myself in New York, which, aside from all the cliches, is actually very hard. I need to sit back and enjoy it. I need to let it wash over me and be grateful. I need to relax. That’s what I’m focused on for 2010. I believe in 2010.
But right now, it’s 2009, and I need to go to bed before I fall over and start snoozing on the floor like a Sim. Because the movers are coming at 9 AM. Oh boy.
Originally published at AnnaJarzab.com
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
happy
I'm participating in an online book sale and signing at the University of Southern Maine on Dec. 10. 
nostalgic
